Unthinkability

My wife and I watched Ben Stein’s documentary “Expelled” a few days ago.  It is a conversation-starter, for sure.  After the [often manipulative and partisan] movie was over, my wife and I had our first discussion in 15 years about religion.  It was good to have a discussion about “how did life start,” and to not confuse that with “how did life evolve.” 

Natural Selection is an all-but-indisputable fact, but it does not adequately answer “how did life start.”  The world would be a better place if we could all get this through our thick skulls.

Natural Selection fully describes and predicts variations within species, as well as the emergence of new species over time.  Period.  The end.  My favorite two examples of how ’selection’ matters: 

"You don’t have to be faster than the bear; you just have to be faster than the other guy."

–and–

“The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”

I upgraded my iPhone 3G to the new firmware version 3.0, and [after a 20-minute upgrade process and a subsequent 60-minute backup procedure] I am the proud operator of a nifty phone.

One of the simplest, yet most-welcome additions to the new iPhone firmware is the built-in Voice Memo recorder application.  Click to start, click to stop, click to e-mail the file.  Simple.

I stuck my Plantronics Voyager Pro bluetooth headset in my ear and prepared to record my first monologue for posterity, but I discovered that the Voice Memo Recorder does not work with bluetooth.  Not even the almighty Jawbone Prime.

Here’s the poop from the Apple support webpage Apple - iPhone - Learn how to use Voice Memo.

NOTE: External microphones must be designed to work with the iPhone headset jack or Dock Connector, such as Apple-branded earbuds or authorized third-party accessories marked with the Apple “Works with iPhone” logo.

I am still bummed.  Had it worked, I might have even posted a new and final podcast.  The world may never know what noise might have come out of my pie hole.

My family is heading to a huge waterpark for a few days, and I need to remain available to our customers.  Since I don’t want to drown my $400 iPhone or my $100 Voyager Pro bluetooth headset, and I was planning to check my phone every 10-15 minutes for calls like I usually do when I have to leave my phone behind.

Alas, I had an idea while I was in the shower.  I don’t need to answer the call while I am sliding down the mega-master-blaster with my 8 year-old;  I only need to be notified of the call so that I can return the call 4 minutes later.  I needed to invent a waterproof bluetooth widget!

Experience has taught me to check the internet before bustin’ out the drafting table, so I searched on ‘bluetooth waterproof notify call.’  I found the following interesting gadgets:

Non-Water-Resitant

• Bluetooth Bracelet with Vibration and LCD Display - $80 
• Natural Air Man Bluetooth Watch with Vibration and Caller ID Display - $150
• Bluetooth Incoming Call Vibrate Alert Bracelet - $40

Water-Resistant:

• Bluetrek X2 Water-Resistant and Weatherproof Bluetooth Headset - $45

Close, but no cigar.  I am STILL looking for a water resistant bracelet.  Sure, I know that I could put it in a ziplock and keep it in my pocket, but that wouldn’t be ‘cool.’  If all else fails, I might just have to hack one of these non-water-resistant units open and encase the electronics in carbonite (or silicon gel).  I wonder if the rechargeable battery would explode.  Hmmmmm….

If you know of a water-resistant model, please let me know!!!

AT&T’s special message to me:

“As a valued AT&T customer, AT&T can offer you an early iPhone upgrade with a new 2-yr commitment and an $18 upgrade fee. You may qualify for a standard iPhone upgrade on 04/20/2010.”

Attached are the screenshots of my personalized price quotes to ‘upgrade’ to a new iPhone 3GS.  It is a $200 upgrade penalty.

So, here’s what I hear them saying:

“As a way of saying ‘thank you’ to you, our loyal customers, for your business in these tough economic times, we would like to offer you a solid kick in the nuts.” – AT&T Management.

New customers are offered a $199 price tag on a new 16GB iPhone 3GS, but existing customers whose plans have not yet expired are told they must pay an additional $200 above what a new customer would pay.  Ouch.  I can understand the balance sheet logic, but I don’t have to like it.

I will be stewing about this for several weeks, I am sure. 

One last note from me to AT&T: Please deduct 27 loyalty points from my karma account.  I’ll be looking for a way to say goodbye to you sooner than before.  Also, your coverage in Peoria Illinois sucks ass compared to Verizon.  No 3G, and dark spots galore.  Thank you.

Our 4 year-old demanded to know where SHE was when our 8 year-old’s baby video was made, and why she was not in the video.  I told her:

"That was before you were born, before you existed.”

She replied:

"Not ‘when’! I want to know WHERE was I?" 

Existence is complicated.

An internet-friend of mine surprised me today.  Scott Johnson is in the process of drawing a poster with 56 zombies using characters and people from popular culture. I’m no fan of the zombie genre, but he nailed something very special in his Zombie Big Bird (click the link to see the whole thing).

In drawing this portrayal, he captured the essence of a ‘meta-zombification’ that is 95% funny and 5% creepy.  I am still looking at it, captivated by the implication of horrific violence with no victim.  It is terribly amusing.  It is brilliant.

This drawing is a rare exception to an otherwise-tired zombie craze.  I get it; humans with missing body parts that tilt their heads slightly, walk slowly, and have been ‘mostly dead all day’ are creepy. I don’t need to see any more dudes with skin peeling off of their faces, shuffling around with no arms. 

In Scott Johnson’s 56-Zombie project, he is exploring his own ideas of how zombies intersect popular culture.  Sometimes it is cliché, and sometimes it is surprising.  With subject matter that is so familiar, the exercise and experimentation is necessary to reveal a gem like ‘Zombie Big Bird.’  It’s worth a look. 

For a palate-cleansing experience, be sure to check out his 56-Geeks Poster.  It is guaranteed to remove the zombie aftertaste.

I created the character “Complexitor” to embody our tendencies to over-build projects.  That is why Len Peralta’s “The Cleverer” caught my eye.  Len is doing ‘villains’ for his summer “Monsters By Mail” theme, and he created “The Cleverer” for one of his customers.

You must go check out Len’s work, and you should order your own custom/personal/one-of-a-kind villain for just $25.  It’s a ridiculously-cheap gift idea for yourself, or for the one you love to hate.

See “The Cleverer” at Len’s Villains photo stream on Flickr, and visit his Monsters By Mail site for the details no how to get your own.

Back in “the day,” I bought domain names like penny candy.  I have kept many, expired many, and transferred some.  I have a few more domain names coming up for renewal that I no longer want to mess with.  Let me know if you want them, and I’ll participate in a transfer with you if you cover the renewal fee.  Otherwise, you’ll have to wait for them to expire and for the grace period to expire:

• PODSURVEY.COM
• PODBABBLE.COM
• BRAINCASA.COM

This one is also available for discussion/negotiation, though I still have some ideas for it:

• IWASADEMOCRAT.COM

p.s.  The fact that I own this domain name does not indicate or reflect my political views either way.  Don’t read too much into it.

I lied to Netflix today.  I have been lying to Netflix for some time now.  The first time I did it, I felt dirty and wrong as if I was betraying my core principles.  While it has gotten easier for me to lie to Netflix, I still feel much more conflict in my soul than the issue deserves.

My infraction: I rated Star Wars Episode I: Clone Wars as "Loved It."

I assure you that I did not love that movie. I found much of that movie unbearable, peppered with collisions between "fantastical visual effects" and "hollow, wooden performances," all girded by weak dialogue.  Being a child of the 70s’-80’s, a part of my childhood died the day that I saw that movie.  Even so, I told Netflix that "I Loved It."

I lied because I love the Science Fiction genre.  Serenity is a surprising and wonderfully-built movie based on a brilliant FireFly, and the new Battlestar Galactica was a brilliant and epic work.  I suppose that being a SciFi fan is a bit like being a stock car racing fan; it’s as much about the crashes as it is about going fast.  Well, Star Wars Episode I was a car crash.  Even so, I told Netflix that "I Loved It."

Why lie?  I feared that, if I told Netflix the truth, they would think that I dislike all science fiction.  I feared that, if I dis’d on such an iconic movie (or a member of such an iconic franchise), I would somehow be banished to the kiddie pool with My Little Pony and Dora.

This illustrates one of the problems with the ‘black box’ systems, systems inside which you have no visibility; I don’t understand how the Netflix Ratings system works so, in the absence of an official explanation from the creators of the system, I will just make something up and call it the truth.  It’s what we humans do.

I ‘know’ that the Netflix rating system (called “Cinematch”) is a complex system involving millions of data points, each one describing the intersection between "the taxonomy of a movie" and the human feeling of "connection to that movie."  Both dimensions of that single data point are hopelessly wishy-washy and difficult to quantify.  I know that the success of the Netflix rating system is predicated upon massive collaborative filter, correlating the individual ratings with elements of taxonomy, weighted by category preferences, and sugared with demographics and profile matching to other people who have similar preferences.  The system is likely so complex that even the makers of the system do not understand why the resulting correlations exist; they just do.  Is this an example of a system whose resulting complexity exceeds the creators understanding?  If Netflix recommends a movie called "42" to me, I’m crawling in a hole and waiting for the apocalypse.

How personal and contextual are Netflix ratings? How many levels of discrimination are in the Netflix rating system?  If I rate "Star Wars Episode I" as a "Didn’t Like It" movie, will that poison the entire Sci Fi pool for me? I’m too chicken to try.  I fear messing with such a powerful and mysterious system.  I fear that the system will not forgive me and that it might cache my mistake forever, even if I change the rating back to "Loved It."  There’s a cautionary phrase in my business;  If it ain’t totally broken, don’t fix it worse.  I am heeding that advice.

Sometimes I wish that I could substitute my own questions about some of the movies on Netflix.  When I am conflicted about a movie that should have been better than it was, I’d like to answer one of these questions instead:

• "How much did you want to like this movie, or the idea of it?"
• "How disappointed were you by this movie?"

The Netflix ratings model is simple, and it seems to work… mostly.  (Except when it considers "CHiP’s" a cop drama.)  I’ll just continue to lie to it occasionally, I’ll continue to feed it $15/month, and it will continue pooping out relevant and entertaining DVDs for us to watch.

For all of the underlying complexity, the Netflix Cinematch rating system really is remarkably accurate and easy to use.  Instructions: Rate each movie by clicking 1-5.  *Duh*  I like simple, and the whole Netflix experience is simple.  You add movies to your list.  You get a red envelope in the mail, you send a red envelope back. Rinse and repeat. 

If you’re not a Netflix member, you really should Try it for FREE!. In the interest of full disclosure, using these links to create your new Netflix account will also send a little ‘commission love’ back to yours truly.

Just one more short xtranormal video from me.  These things are like potato chips.  It’s hard to eat just one.  I chose to make one in the form of “every teen sitcom on Disney.”