Unthinkability

I was talking with a very good friend about the harsh words we have spoken to others, and he asked “What is the worst thing you’ve said to anyone and did not regret afterwards.”  I thought about it for a few moments and recalled a phrase that I never regretted saying though it sticks with me to this day:

“Your lack of trust no longer suprises me, but it never fails to disappoint me.“

Those few words describe a moment in which I realized that I still want to be appreciated by everyone, but have come to understand that it is not my burden to change that other person’s negative perception of me or my abilities.  I let my actions and accomplishments speak for me, and then I trust those who see me for who I am.

Chameleons are more interested in revisionist history and self-preservation than embracing the wind and letting the thousand flowers bloom. 

Sometimes you come across these people who, for whatever personal reasons, seek to find villainy or incompetence where there simply is none.  Sometimes, you just have to trust your instincts, shrug off the chaff, perform your work with art and passion, and defer to the opinions of history.

My daughter came to me and asked “can we have a puppet show?”  Of course, I said SURE!  She then proceeded to ask me to help her build some puppets.  I envisioned some popsicle sticks, some markers, some paper. and some glue.  My daughter had other ideas…

She began describing puppet with strings.  Ack.  She wanted marionettes;  Seven of them.  How else would she do a puppet show of “High School Musical?”

After some attempts at negotiating with her, my daughter finally settled for two of the seven.  We examined the Ken doll, made a shopping list for materials, and set off for Lowes.

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We were sitting outside on the patio tonight having some quiet time after work, and our 4 year old looked up from her Barbie and said “I had a bad dream last night.”

“What about?” we asked.

 She replied “It was about bees in my room, but it was a cartoon dream.  It was a cartoon inside my head outside my brain.”

I’ve never heard a better description.

I’m becoming more aware of how we create new realities within our existing worlds to escape.  I have noticed that I gravitate towards new ventures and new toys to distract me from the crap that is bugging me.  Whether I’m bothered by the stressful, the disheartening, or the simple monotony, I have a tendency to fixate on and become obsessive about new things to distract me from my life.  Just look at this list of some of the things that I’ve obsessed about:

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You don’t really know how out of shape you are until you look through your closet for clothes to wear to the gym.  After 5 minutes digging through my closet, I was left saying “What!? I only have one pair of workout shorts?  And why are these T-shirts so small?!”  I’ve definitely acquired a slight bowling pin physique in the last 10 years.

I just signed my contract with Cardinal Fitness, and must say that I’m impressed.  With the one-time signup fees ($70) and monthly membership dues ($20), the monthly charge for the first year is only $27, and they have great equipment.  Sure, they don’t have an Evian water fountain or restroom attendants, but they do have treadmills with built-in TVs and the full range of free weights, etc, blah blah blah.  They are my new best friend.

So tonight, armed with my Zune loaded with Keith and the Girl and Goodnight Burbank, I did my first workout in 13 years.  Funny that I haven’t even thought about “how I’m going look in six months,” or “how my clothes will fit better,” etc.

The key benefit to being older (38) and having three kids is that you have lowered your expectations so much over the years that you hardly expect anything anymore.  Not that you’ve given up hope; in fact, its quite the opposite.  You operate on a combination of faith and autopilot.  You set stuff in motion and let it roll on its own.  Sure, you’re just going through the motions, but you learn that the right motions will get you where you need to go.

I just flew back from the gym, and boy are my arms tired.

Yes, I am a geek dad.  I waited in line at midnight for Halo 3

And then I stayed up until 3am playing it.

It certainly wasn’t the rush that I remember for Halo 2, either emotionally or in terms of the number of people who stood in line with me. 

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I bought the XBOX 360 and played Halo 3 all week, but I have a problem; I need a Gamertag (or as the kids say now, a “Gamercard”).

My old online name has been “AVnerd” since my dial-up bulletin board system (BBS) days in 1985.  It’s hard to believe that I have used that name online for over 20 years, and now think that I have outgrown it. Its even harder to believe that I’m using the term “outgrown it” while considering replacing it.  If I had truly outgrown it, I would just quit playing these stupid online games and start acting like an adult.

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I came across this site and immediately became jealous; I wish that I had thought of this idea.  Sticky Note Theatre!

I doodle quite a bit in meetings, and intermingle my system design sketches with stick figures being tortured and squished in between database servers, network nodes, and UML state diagrams.  I can relate to the art of the sticky note!

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 Listening to non-technical people trying to manage the inner details of a software project is like listening to a bunch of 6 year-olds planning a trip to the moon.

“My teacher said that its really cold on the moon, so we’d better take our jackets!”

“I’m going to take my umbrella in case it rains!”

“I’m going to take crayons to draw pictures of it.”

“Wait!  I read that there’s no air on the moon.  How are we going to breath?”

…pause…

“I know!  We can take balloons, blow them up, and then breath that air!”

“YEAH!  Problems solved!”

It’s OK to involve 6 year-olds in the planning process as long as we don’t let them operate the arc welders, build the spaceship, or fill it with rocket fuel.  Likewise, it’s a good thing that we don’t let non-technical folks (or 6 year-olds) drive the technical details of software projects… or do you?  May the heavens help you if you’re in that situation!

Assuming that we have “experts” controlling this project, and assuming we have experienced builders choosing our tools and materials, we should welcome this non-technical input with open arms!  6 year-olds are actually the best place to start for user input; who knows better about how to have fun on the moon?! 

Amateurs might immediately dismiss the six year-olds suggestions as being silly and ignorant.  However, I hope that I could listen more deeply to analyze the six year-olds’ statements, to see through to the underlying concerns, and to find the nuggets of truth that non-technical folks excel at expressing:

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While searching for the origin of a comment that I heard on Frontline tonight, I stumbled on a collection of brilliant quotes.  There were some old/lame ones in the list, but also some surprising/fresh ones.  Here are some of my favorites:

Any system or program, however complicated, if looked at in exactly the right way, will become even more complicated.

The leak in the roof is never in the same location as the drip.

Clarke’s First Law:

When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.

For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill.

If people listened to themselves more often, they’d talk less.

Variables won’t; constants aren’t.

Never characterize the importance of a statement in advance.

People will believe anything if you whisper it.

See the entire list here:
http://www.cse.unr.edu/~sushil/class/135/notes/quotes.html