Unthinkability

I bought the XBOX 360 and played Halo 3 all week, but I have a problem; I need a Gamertag (or as the kids say now, a “Gamercard”).

My old online name has been “AVnerd” since my dial-up bulletin board system (BBS) days in 1985.  It’s hard to believe that I have used that name online for over 20 years, and now think that I have outgrown it. Its even harder to believe that I’m using the term “outgrown it” while considering replacing it.  If I had truly outgrown it, I would just quit playing these stupid online games and start acting like an adult.

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I came across this site and immediately became jealous; I wish that I had thought of this idea.  Sticky Note Theatre!

I doodle quite a bit in meetings, and intermingle my system design sketches with stick figures being tortured and squished in between database servers, network nodes, and UML state diagrams.  I can relate to the art of the sticky note!

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Imagine me in a job interview where the interviewer asks the obligatory question “What was your biggest mistake and what did you learn from it?”

If I’m ever asked that question, I will respond by asking “Don’t you read my blog?”

In my early days as a developer, I enjoyed the fast track to management.  I had proven myself as a charismatic and technical “fixer” and I became in charge of a sprawling project with a single developer that was way off the rails.  My role soon evolved into constantly explaining “why things aren’t done yet.”  The following is my mea culpa and my cautionary tale about newbies who manage software projects.

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 Listening to non-technical people trying to manage the inner details of a software project is like listening to a bunch of 6 year-olds planning a trip to the moon.

“My teacher said that its really cold on the moon, so we’d better take our jackets!”

“I’m going to take my umbrella in case it rains!”

“I’m going to take crayons to draw pictures of it.”

“Wait!  I read that there’s no air on the moon.  How are we going to breath?”

…pause…

“I know!  We can take balloons, blow them up, and then breath that air!”

“YEAH!  Problems solved!”

It’s OK to involve 6 year-olds in the planning process as long as we don’t let them operate the arc welders, build the spaceship, or fill it with rocket fuel.  Likewise, it’s a good thing that we don’t let non-technical folks (or 6 year-olds) drive the technical details of software projects… or do you?  May the heavens help you if you’re in that situation!

Assuming that we have “experts” controlling this project, and assuming we have experienced builders choosing our tools and materials, we should welcome this non-technical input with open arms!  6 year-olds are actually the best place to start for user input; who knows better about how to have fun on the moon?! 

Amateurs might immediately dismiss the six year-olds suggestions as being silly and ignorant.  However, I hope that I could listen more deeply to analyze the six year-olds’ statements, to see through to the underlying concerns, and to find the nuggets of truth that non-technical folks excel at expressing:

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While searching for the origin of a comment that I heard on Frontline tonight, I stumbled on a collection of brilliant quotes.  There were some old/lame ones in the list, but also some surprising/fresh ones.  Here are some of my favorites:

Any system or program, however complicated, if looked at in exactly the right way, will become even more complicated.

The leak in the roof is never in the same location as the drip.

Clarke’s First Law:

When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.

For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill.

If people listened to themselves more often, they’d talk less.

Variables won’t; constants aren’t.

Never characterize the importance of a statement in advance.

People will believe anything if you whisper it.

See the entire list here:
http://www.cse.unr.edu/~sushil/class/135/notes/quotes.html

Our company’s president exhibited an uncommon understanding of the balance between “Software Quality vs. Quantity” in a meeting yesterday.  While talking about our new QA lead’s experience, requirements-driven testing, and the ol’ waterfall method, he said:

We can do better with our specifications process, but it shouldn’t tie our hands.  It’s the difference between “Ready, Fire, Aim” and “Ready, Aim, Aim, Aim, Aim, Aim…”  We have to find a comfortable place in between.

His geek cred went up +4 points for me yesterday.

Dear Verizon,

Nothing says “Eat sh*t, customer” more than the way you entomb your $29.99 car chargers in blast-proof blister packs. 

I just purchased one of your car chargers for my Verizon phone.  I am still trying to open to package.

Sure, I could have gone out to my tool shed and retrieved my tin snips, but it was raining.  I have ordered a new “blister pack extraction tool” but it has not arrived yet.  Alas, I was forced to use my kid’s safety scissors and have the package 18% open.  I finished Portal in less time than this.  My only remaining option is my daughter’s Fisher-Price handsaw, and we both know how that story will end.

Honestly Verizon, I have used a box knife against your unwilling bits of merchandise before, but I am deeply troubled by the danger that you (Verizon) are willing to impose upon my physical well-being.

So, thanks for encasing the $5.38 worth of plastic and wires that you sold to me for a $24.57 profit inside $.04 worth of bullet-resistant acrylic.  Screw you.

I’d go on, but Dave Weinberger has taken the time to say it much better than me.  Dave’s grief was with Logitech, but I think that all of you bastards are in it together.

Sincerely,
Scott Fletcher

I am fulfilling my duty as a juror candidate for our local government.  This is my second time being called, and I have yet to be even questioned for consideration.  I’m starting to believe that lawyers never choose software developers to be on their juries. 

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