CSI vs. South Park = Irreconcilable differences

Posted under A Geek Dad's Life, Blog Posts

She hates my TV shows, and I hate her TV shows.

I understand my problem, and I also understand that there is nothing that I can do about it.  I am stuck in a quagmire of South Park vs. Cold Case, with my wife and I both on either sides of the conflict.  We have staunch beliefs in our positions. There is no real resolution in sight. 

Here’s the problem:

We have a some ‘common ground’ shows like House, NCIS, and… uh… House.  (Really?  Only two?  sheesh.)  The rest of our favorite shows are not shared.  On the contrary, we despise each other’s favorite shows.

My Side: Seth McFarlane and Matt Groenig

I watch Futurama reruns, enjoying an occasional 30-minute toke on the Groenig huka, and I enjoy taking it with a  Family Guy chaser laced with Seth McFarlane (courtesy of Adult Swim on Cartoon Network).  When I really need to scratch my comedy itch, I’ll steal away in the bedroom and mainline some South Park.  I find these shows insightful, occasionally surprising, and full of intellectual brain candy. 

My wife, however, despises these shows.  She finds the shows rude, needlessly base, and unfunny; she makes a face that expresses repulsion and says it’s “guy humor.”  She’ll tolerate Futurama for 15 minutes or so before bed, but she absolutely refuses to be in the same room when South Park is on.

Her Side: Anything with cops, lawyers, and victims

On the flip side, every time I walk into a room where my wife is watching television, I am greeted by the sounds of a cop/law drama on TV.  Which one?  Pick one:  CSI (Classic, Miami, Las Vegas) , Law & Order (Classic, SVU), Cold Case, Missing, ad nauseam.  I can watch NCIS because I dig everything that Mark Harmon is in, but I find all of the other ones derivative tripe.  They are all engaging for the same “slow down to watch the train wreck” appeal. 

We have 5 televisions in our house, so it is very easy to find another TV to watch our respective shows.  It’s a bit too easy. 

We can only watch these shows when the kids aren’t around, which means the “2 hours after the kids go to bed.”  We find ourselves ending the day in separate rooms using the TV to help us unwind from the day, allowing the TV to entertain and serve us.

No Kids Allowed

We really can’t watch any of these shows when the kids are around.  My shows are cartoons, but I don’t let our kids watch any of what we call “Daddy Shows” because you never know when Cartman might yell “Suck my balls!” or when Peter Griffin might punch someone. 

My wife’s shows are not much safer, with their never-ending parades of rape, murder, hookers, dead bodies, crack whores, scumbags, and general bad people being accused of doing very bad things.

I have tried to introduce my wife to the subtleties beneath the coarse exterior of my shows.  No dice.  When she suffers through the last 15 minutes of an episode of Futurama, she points out that it is “her turn” and we usually settle on NCIS or House.

Homer’s life is easy

It sucks being smart, knowing the underlying causes and subtleties of conflict. 

I wish I could just be a raging a**hole and say to my wife “You’re totally wrong and you suck and you’re STUPID!” because that’s what I feel like saying as I storm out of the room to go watch my beloved animated series. 

I assume that my wife is thinking something very similar as I leave the room.